Wednesday, July 26, 2017

Grace (2009)

Director: Paul Solet

Stars: Jordan Ladd, Samantha Ferris, Gabrielle Rose

Jordan Ladd is eight months pregnant and has heard some of the worse news of her life.  After her and her husband are in a car accident, Jordan is told that her baby is dead.  She is having to mourn the loss of her husband and unborn baby.  Her midwife, Shelly, is there to help Jordan with the delivery and emotional support.  When the baby is born, Jordan is holding her still born baby, but it starts to move and cry.  Happy and relieved she takes her new baby home, but the baby is unhappy at feeding.  Grace, the baby, is working her nipples too hard where blood is coming out.  The baby lives on blood.  Her husband's mother has been too determined to see her grandchild.

Jordan and her midwife, Shelly, were once lovers.  I knew those girls.  I'm not gay, I married a man to have! Anyway, this woman has too many scenes of her bloody, crusty, gnawed up nipple.  It's gross with her blood strain nightgown.  The movie is pretty boring with mostly the two women fighting each other.

This movie was not really worth wasting your time on. It was just pretty bad. They just tried too hard to make this scary and gory, but it all just came out as weak. I watched it, so you don't have to.

Wednesday, June 21, 2017

Exorcismus (2010)

Director: Manuel Carballo

Stars: Sophie Vavasseur, Stephen Billington, Richard Felix

A fifteen year old, Emma, gets mad at her Mom because she will not allow her to attend a concert in London.  Before that her uncle, a priest, was showing her about satanic rituals.  One night Emma comes home late and drunk, so her and her mom get into an argument.  Emma locks herself in the bathroom, cuts her hand and draws a ritual in blood on the bathroom floor.  She starts having seizes and losing her memory.  Her parents contact her uncle to perform an exorcise to help fix her.  Emma believes her is possessed, but her parents do not, so they are hoping this will help her regardless. Her uncle just wants to prove that the devil does exist, and he is willing to put his family at risk.

I was hoping there would be more t this movie, but it was pretty light.  It is barely a horror movie.  It is more of a violent drama than anything.  The movie runs a bit slow and not one scary or even partly scary scene.  It does not even try to be.  Just thinking of the subject alone one would think to see something messed up or traumatic but no, nothing.

Emma spends the evenings in a locked room with her uncle strapped to a chair receiving the exorcism treatment.  She just walks around in a normal state of mind, but people die and are hurt during the day.  I would think that if a person is possessed then it would happen all the time not just at night during "business hours".  The ending of the movie picks up a bit with more action, but it is too little too late.  I would not recommend watching this movie.
Exorcismus (2010) Trailer

Thursday, June 8, 2017

Mama (2013)

Director: Andrés Muschietti

Stars: Jessica Chastain, Nikolaj Coster-Waldau, Megan Charpentier, 

Jeffery shoots his two business partners and his wife, then goes home and takes his two daughters away into the woods.  On the snowy roads he loses control of his car and crashes in the woods.  He locates an abandon house for them to hide out in.  Under lots of confusion and sadness, he is going to shoot his kids then himself, but a dark force lives in the house and removes him.

The girls are found five years later with the help of Jeffery's brother, Lucas.  The girls have gone wild without people and raising.  Lucas and his girlfriend receive custody of the girls.    Something else has moved into the house with the girls to help watch over them.  The dark spirit Mama is lurking in the walls to protect her girls.

These girls were so dirty when they were found.  How did they not end up sick or get some disease.  The youngest one is eating moths in the floor.  I would sent her packing after seeing that.  Just saying.  You know something is up after that.

There are a few made you jump scenes in the movie, but the movie itself is not scary at all.  The look of the spirit is incredible.  The way the hair and clothing softly move in the air.  It looks as if is being filmed in slow moving water.  The acting by the little girls was better than I expected.  The movie is very watchable. Enjoy.

Mama (2013) Trailer

Wednesday, April 12, 2017

Gingerdead Man 3: Saturday Night Cleaver (2011)

Director: William Butler, Silvia St. Croix

Stars: Jacqui Holland, Jean Louise O'Sullivan, Mike C. Manning

The Gingerdead man is locked up in a prison for bad pastry. A group breaks in to release the food and let them be free. The cookie escapes and ends up going back in time to 1976 at a roller disco were he can keep on killing.

This movie ripped off several other movies. The whole prison scene at the beginning was from Silence of the Lambs. They redid the scene from Porky's when the penis was in the hole in the shower wall. Most of the movie and the subtitle is from Saturday Night Fever. This chapter was the worse out of all of them. Watch if there is no paint drying or dogs to brush.

 Gingerdead Man 3: Saturday Night Cleaver Trailer

Monday, April 10, 2017

Gingerdead Man 2: Passion of the Crust (2008)

Director: Silvia St. Croix

Stars: Michelle Bauer, Pieter Christian Colson, Michael Deak                        

This little big cookie is back to kill again. I just typed that. I know. This time we are at Cheatum Studios, a low budget movie company, who is filming their new horror movie involving puppets.  What is the deal with puppets? Away, a woman brings in doughnuts for the crew, and you guessed it, the cookie killer is in the box. He wants to live and kill again. The puppets come to life to help in a way. It's bad.

The subtitle for the movie is funny and new too bad the movie was not. One of the puppets is a dildo. You read that right, a dildo. The movie is filled with bad acting, but it is better than the first one. Just bad.
 Gingerdead Man 2: Passion of the Crust Trailer

Saturday, April 8, 2017

Thankskilling 3 (2012)

Director: Jordan Downey

Stars: Daniel Usaj, Joe Hartzler, Preston Altree                        

The fowl-mouthed villain Turkie is back and hacking his way to find the last copy of "ThanksKilling 2" which has landed in the hands of a group of disturbingly crude puppets. The death toll rises as Turkie carves through the likes of Flowis the rapping grandma, Rhonda the bisexual space worm, Yomi the puppet in search of her mind, and their equally ridiculous friends who all travel through fantastical settings such as the Feather World and Turkey Hell. With the guidance of Uncle Donny, the wig-wearing inventor of the Pluck Master 3000, Jefferson, Head of Security at Thanksgiving Land, and a Wise Turkey, the gatekeeper to the Feather World, our collection of raunchy characters hope to fend off the murderous rampage of Turkie, all while trying to help Yomi find her mind.

There never was a part 2.  According to the movie it was that bad.  This one is better than the first one which is not saying much at all.  This time we get more puppets! They are cheaper than actors.  A lot of toilet humor and raunchy, but not really in a good way.  I do not recommend watching this, but I cannot control you, so if you must.
Thankskilling 3 (2012) Trailer

Wednesday, April 5, 2017

Smiley (2012)

Director: Michael J. Gallagher

Stars: Caitlin Gerard, Melanie Papalia, Shane Dawson

It's Ashley's first year of college.  Instead of living in the dorms, she rents a room from another female student, Proxy.  The two girls quickly become friends, and the first night attend a house party nearby of an on-line community that Proxy is a member.  Ashley gets friendly and drunk with the party members, but while there she witness a murder on this community website.  The site is a random video chat service.  Is the murder real or not, no one seems to know.  The killer is an urban legend known as Smiley.  It is based on the same principle as Bloody Mary.

Thinking that the murder as faked to prove themselves right the two girls decide to try it for themselves.  After picking a random person, Smiley shows up behind the person and stabs them to death.  Ashley goes a bit crazy, and Proxy is not dealing with her well.  Smiley comes after Ashley in real life.

I'm not going to spoil the movie, and that is not hard to do.  The movie is not terrible, but it needs some work.  I'm just glad it is something new added to the horror genre and not the same old tired plot.  The ended was pretty good, and yes, there is going to be a sequel.  What movie doesn't get a sequel nowadays. Watch if you must.  The movie runs a bit slow.

 Smiley (2012) Trailer